One of the obstacles waiting for people when they embark on the swirling seas of family court litigation is disclosure. Any time we ask the court to divide up marital property, determine an amount of spousal or child support, or award attorney's fees, the court needs lots and lots of information about the parties' property, money, and debts. In California, most family court litigants are (or will soon become) familiar with forms like the Schedule of Assets and Debts and the Income and Expense Declaration (or the Financial Statement (Simplified)). (Those are all links to PDFs, by the way.) Completing those forms is not quite as onerous as doing your taxes or preparing a bankruptcy petition, but when you're already worried about your children, your finances, your relationships, and all the other problems that bring people into the family court, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to make life easier—and they happen to be good ideas even if you never find yourself in family court.

Keep Good Records

Before you do anything else, get your records organized. Find a safe place to keep paycheck stubs, bank statements, mortgage documents or rental or lease agreements, vehicle registration and maintenance records, bills (whether you paid them or not), tax returns, and any other document that shows money or property you receive, money you owe, stuff you own, and real estate you own or occupy. This can be especially easy when you're doing things online. Most banks and businesses can give you statements and other documents in Portable Document Format (PDF), which you can save on your computer for easy viewing or printing later. For things that you don't have on the computer, the least you can do is buy an expandable folder with several slots to keep different kinds of documents. If you want to invest more money, buy a small file cabinet, or even a safe for your really important documents.

Documents for big things, like tax returns and receipts for major purchases, should be kept for seven years. Bills can be discarded more quickly, but you should probably keep them for a year. Use your discretion. But you would also do well to keep track of regular and recurring expenses somewhere. There are some software tools for personal finance management, like Quicken, which you might want to use, but I just use ordinary spreadsheet software. (I have a Mac and use Numbers. On Windows, Microsoft Excel can do the trick, too.) For example, I use a spreadsheet to keep a list of payments on utility bills, so I can see clearly how my utility costs are changing over time, which allows me to plan better for the future. If you are not comfortable using spreadsheet software, buy a notebook and write down the dates and amounts for these expenses. This comes in handy when you are making a budget. There are also some excellent apps for the iPhone.

Keeping all of these records also makes it easier when you need them for something important, like going into family court, filing for bankruptcy, or just planning for your future. Keeping track of these things will give you a sense of greater control over your life, too. 

Watch Your Spending

You need to be conscious of where your money is going. If you have no idea what you spend each month on, say, groceries and dining out, then you probably have a hard time keeping your spending within reasonable limits. It's much easier to prepare for the future, plan your expenses, and live comfortably within your means if you pay attention to where every dollar goes. And if you have never paid attention to these details before, you might be surprised by what's revealed when you start.

Keep receipts whenever you buy things. Write down what you spend in certain categories, like gas and car expenses, dining out, clothing, or other things you regularly purchase. (The categories will probably be unique. For example, I categorize spending on books because I am one of those people who can barely stand to walk past a bookstore without buying something. If you collect something, make a category for it.) This is another place where spreadsheet or specific financial software can be useful.

Make a Budget

One of the best ways to help keep your life in order is to keep track of where your money goes. I know you've heard this before, but make a budget. It's not as hard as you might think. Follow the steps below.

First, figure out your income. If you work for wages or a salary, you probably get paid once a month, twice a month, or biweekly. Figure out how much you bring home every month (your net pay) by looking at your paycheck stubs. For people who are paid once or twice a month, this should be pretty easy.

If you get paid biweekly, then you can approximate your monthly income by taking the usual amount of your paycheck, multiplying times 26 (for the number of checks you get each year), and then dividing by 12 (for the number of months in the year). For example, if you take home $1,500 every two weeks, then $1,500 times 26 is $39,000, and that divided by 12 gives you net monthly income of $3,250.

If your paychecks vary, then figure out an average. This is one of the reasons why it's important to keep good records. You will need to be able to look back six months to a year, add up your net pay, and figure out an average that will help you with budgeting. If your attitude has always been that your income varies and it's not worth trying to predict it, you are probably wrong about exactly how much it varies and are missing out on a valuable opportunity to take control of your financial future.

Second, make a list of all your obligations. This includes all the bills you have to pay and all your usual monthly expenses. Make a list of when those bills are due. If you get paid twice a month, you might want to figure out if your month is lopsided, with more bills to pay during one half than the other, and ask some of your creditors to adjust your due dates. You should also figure out your non-monthly expenses, like property taxes, and figure out the monthly average for those. Get in the habit of depositing that average amount into your savings account and holding that money until those non-monthly bills come due. So, for instance, if you pay property tax is $1,500 twice a year, then you might set aside $250 every month ($3,000 divided by 12) and do not spend it until you need it to pay the property tax bill. You can add that $250 to your budget like any other monthly expense.

For day-to-day expenditures, like what you spend on food or gas for your car, this is another time when having good records is helpful: look back over the last six months to a year and figure out a monthly average for each category. Use that average as a starting point for your budget. For example, if you see that you're spending $500 a month on eating out and that number seems high to you, then set yourself a lower budget and try to stay within it.

Third, add up your numbers, make a plan, and stick to it. On a sheet of paper, or with your favorite software application, write down all your obligations and expenses. Add them up. Compare that total with your monthly income. If all your expenses amount to less than your total income, you are doing well. Try to stay within your budget. Better yet, see if you can cut some of your spending and increase your savings. But if your total expenses are greater than your total income, then you need to make some cuts. Stay within your budget. Do not spend more than you can afford. Do not live off your credit cards. If you are not earning enough money to live comfortably, then look for ways to supplement or increase your income.

Conclusion

This is just basic stuff. There are plenty of more complicated things you can do—things you should see a financial advisor about. But everybody should do these basic things, no matter how much you earn, no matter how much you have.

Keeping good records, watching over your spending, and sticking to a budget may sound like a lot of work, and it is, but you will be glad you did it. Be consistent. Turn it into a habit. You will feel better about yourself and more confident in your financial decisions. Instead of feeling like your financial situation is a mystery, you will know where you stand. And when the time comes to make decisions or disclosures, no matter the reason, you will be prepared. You might even find yourself avoiding those kinds of situations in the first place.

In the first two sentences of a recent opinion from the California Court of Appeal, Justice Gilbert offers a nugget of wisdom that everybody with a legal problem needs to remember:

Parties agree to act reasonably in their contractual relationship. This case demonstrates that when a party acts unreasonably, no one prospers, except the attorneys.

Don't give too much weight to that first sentence—you shouldn't be acting unreasonably even when you're not in a contractual relationship. I've put the important lesson in boldface: When somebody in a legal matter acts unreasonably, no one prospers except the attorneys.

In Peak-Las Positas Partners v. Bollag, a series of events, many of which were government procedures beyond the parties' control, delayed the finalization of a real property deal. The parties agreed to extend the escrow on the deal once, but the second time an extension became necessary, one of the parties flat refused—even though the other party had already spent about $5 million trying to get their project going and to comply with government requirements! This, said the court, was unreasonable (despite several rationalizations offered by the defendant). In affirming the order that defendant pay more than half a million dollars in attorneys' fees to the plaintiff, the court noted that the defendant had "interjected collateral issues to complicate the litigation" and that his "vigorous defense necessitated a great deal of work by experienced attorneys."

Work by attorneys, experienced or not, is usually expensive—especially when the case requires "a great deal" of it. The defendant in that case could have saved everybody a lot of money by being reasonable and agreeing to extend the escrow on the deal. But he didn't. And then he made a "vigorous defense" of his position and "interjected collateral issues to complicate the litigation."

This is why, when you seek an attorney, you need to think about more than just what you want. It's easy to get lost in your goals. You think, "That other person is so bad! I need to make him or her pay!" We see this a lot in family law, where the disputes can be especially bitter. People end up fighting over every little detail. Nobody wants to give an inch. Things get dragged out. All the dirty laundry is put on display. But this is expensive, and adopting a more reasonable attitude can save a truckload of money. (And keep you from annoying the court, too. Do you really think the judge wants to preside over a fight between people who are acting unreasonably? Judges are supposed to be impartial, but you don't want to take your chances by getting on the judge's bad side.)

Be aware, however, that some issues in family law really are so important that a hardline, no-settle position is justified. In those cases, fighting hard might be reasonable. But most cases can be resolved more easily than that. Before you decide to dig in your heels, you need to evaluate your position rationally when you talk to your attorney, who can help you see past the emotional issues that might be clouding your view.

And sometimes the other party can drag you down. You need to think about that before you get involved. If you are pretty sure that the other party is going to fight you every step of the way, then be ready to pay more attorney fees, or reconsider your goals. You should also talk to your attorney about the personal quirks of the other party. (This is usually possible in family law because the parties ordinarily know each other very well. It's less possible in civil litigation, where the parties would often be strangers if not for the problem that brought them into court.) Is there a way to approach the issue that will result in a more reasonable—and less costly—response?

Fighting things out in a lawsuit will always be expensive. Talk to your attorney about acting strategically, instead of just coming down from on high with a flaming sword of (what you think will be) justice. Remember that courts are set up to solve problems. When you use the court to get revenge, instead of to solve a problem, you will probably suffer as much as your opponent. While the battle rages, the attorneys will be working. Fees and costs will keep adding up. By the time you finally "win," you may not feel much like a winner. But your attorney wasn't working for free, and he or she will expect you to pay your bill.

So remember the short sentence from the case I quoted above: "When a party acts on reasonably, no one prospers, except the attorneys."

Finally, please remember that nothing I write here is intended as legal advice for you, so you should not take that way. Your situation is unique and you should speak to a local attorney if you have a legal issue. If you would like to speak to me, please visit the website for my firm. There you can contact my office and set up a consultation.

Several California lawmakers and advocacy groups want to reform our family courts. They cite problems like "inconsistent behavior," the use of non-scientific theories, such as "parental alienation syndrome," and the failure to follow "the legal principals of accepted evidence." Dealing with child abuse has also been problematic. In some counties, children have been placed in homes with abusers and people with criminal records, apparently because child custody evaluators are not required to have a high level of training.

In other words, the reformers want family courts to be consistent and predictable, they want those courts to rely only on evidence that's admissible under the same rules that apply in other courts, and they want nonjudicial court staff to have the level of training we would expect from people who are, in essence, making important decisions about the lives of children and families. They also want whistleblower protection for family court employees. These reforms would probably be helpful. But a level of fairness and predictability that satisfies everyone may not be possible.

Family courts exist in a strange and difficult realm of law. People involved in families have their own expectations for how their family relationships are supposed to work, and what kinds of obligations will arise from them, while the laws that apply to those relationships are typically based on the public policy goals expressed by the Legislature. Some people, like spouses, enter family relationships voluntarily, but others, like children, have no choice. There are ways for people to opt out of the legislated rules for some things (like the community property system), but no way to opt out of others (like the duty to pay child support). And even when opting out is possible, as with the community property system, most people don't know how, and the law makes it difficult to succeed even if they do know how.

In short, the field of family law is like a big battle between our most basic human impulses—love, sex, companionship—and one of the most sophisticated methods of organizing and controlling a population that has ever been devised—legislation. Right in the middle of that battlefield, making things extraordinarily difficult, is our ability to create new people who never got to decide on their circumstances. Almost everyone agrees that parents are not the omnipotent rulers of their children's lives, but finding the boundary between the rights of parents and the rights of children can be exceedingly difficult.

No one should be surprised that family courts, who have to sort out all those people and their problems and try to be fair, are beset with problems like inconsistency and unpredictability. In recent decades, we have tried to improve the system by making it less adversarial and more therapeutic. But a lot of people are still not happy with family courts, and probably never will be. Our system can be especially frustrating for attorneys because we want to see predictability and patterns, things that will help us advise our clients: If you do this, then that will happen. Sometimes, we just can't do that. Or what we think is good advice turns out to be not-so-good advice. And then nobody is happy.

But before you start to worry about the court, remember that you still have control of your own life. You can make good decisions for yourself and for your children, you can work on your communication skills and try to make agreements with your ex-spouse, or others involved in your situation. Some problems will always need to be solved by judges, but many of the most complicated and emotionally difficult problems can be addressed by the people who are dealing with them directly.

If you are facing the prospect of going to family court, you should remember that judges cannot—and probably don't want to—solve all your problems. Talk to your attorney and see if you can get to the bottom of things. Attorneys are very good at examining your problems from arm's length, without the emotional confusion you might feel, and helping you figure out that one or two things is really causing the whole blow-up that you're experiencing. Address those things, and the rest of the problems will often solve themselves, or at least seem much more manageable.

Finally, as usual, remember that nothing I write here is intended as legal advice for you, and it should not be taken as legal advice for you. Your situation is unique and you should speak to a local attorney if you have a family law issue. If you would like to speak to me, please visit the website for my firm. There you can contact my office and set up a consultation.

Things are tough everywhere. This story out of London, from the Associated Press, shows that family lawyers on the other side of the Atlantic are seeing the same kinds of things we're seeing in California:

London's top divorce firms are reporting a surge in business from former financial high-flyers. Desperate for a break from support payments—and with no bonus in sight—they want to re-negotiate terms with their former spouses to reflect changed circumstances.

"These husbands are simply saying, 'I cannot afford to pay this level of maintenance,'" said David Allison, a divorce specialist at London's Family Law in Partnership. "And we're seeing increasing numbers of those."

Fortunately, the financial obligations imposed by family law are often flexible enough to allow for modifications when circumstances change. Negotiating or getting a court to order a downward modification still costs time and money, but in many cases those resources are well-spent. The reduced support obligation can pay off in the long run, if the numbers add up right—and if neither party tries to drag things out with unnecessary litigation. But remember that every situation is different, so things may not work out the same way for you.

Deciding whether to hire an attorney is major financial decision for most people. Hiring an attorney for a family law case can easily cost as much as buying a new car. A few matters can be resolved for less than $5,000, but many run to the neighborhood of $10,000, and a few go much higher. So with the economy doing so poorly and almost everybody strapped for cash, it's more important than ever to take careful stock of your situation before rushing into anything.

Evaluate a relationship with an attorney the same way you would choose an investment. Ask yourself what the up-front costs will be and whether the results you hope to obtain would pay for those costs. And when you're thinking about costs and benefits, be prepared to change your expectations to fit the means available to you. Just like some people can't afford to buy luxury homes, some people can't afford high-powered litigation.

If you have a situation that you need help resolving, and you decide to schedule a consultation, then you should discuss your situation and those costs and benefits with the attorney. Like I said, every situation is different, so don't just assume that you can or can't afford to accomplish your goals. Attorneys are not just people who fight for you—they're also advisers, who can help you get a clearer sense of your position so you can make more informed decisions.

A bad economy shouldn't leave you feeling trapped. The world is not ending. In fact, there might be a silver lining: you can work within the limitations of the economy and push yourself to be better at managing your situation.

Finally, as always, nothing I write here is intended to be legal advice, and you should not take it as legal advice. If you would like a consultation with me, please visit the website for my firm. From there you can contact my office and set an appointment.

Once this blog is up to speed, I'll be writing about issues in family law litigation. But today I just want to talk about some basic ideas—like what is "family law litigation" anyway?

First, what is family law? It's not just about marriage and divorce. Whenever laws affect how people arrange their family affairs, or when problems in family relationships drive people toward the courthouse, you're dealing with "family law." For example, what happens when parents are divorced or living apart and they have trouble agreeing on when each of them should get to see their children? What about a man who believes a certain child is his, and he wants to protect his right to be a father to that child? What should you do when you experience domestic violence? What is domestic violence? Do grandparents have a right to see their grandchildren? How should a divorcing couple divide their property? What do you need to do if you want to adopt a child? These are all the kinds of problems we work to solve in family law.

Second, what is family law litigation? "Litigation" is just another word for lawsuit, which people tend to think of as "fighting it out in court." But going to court is not always the path to success. Deep down, lawsuits are just big disputes with special rules. Most people encounter little disputes almost every day. A lot of the time, we discover that those little disputes are just the result of miscommunication, or maybe even our own emotional blocks. Only after we get into the fight do we realize that the real problem is often just a small matter, and easily cleared up—if we're not already too deep in the fight.

Lawsuits have the same quality, but they're bigger, more expensive, and more formal. Negotiation and procedural rules are just highly-structured ways for people in big disputes to figure out what they're really fighting over. And the key to success in a lawsuit is communication. Sometimes the disputes end up in court, with lawyers and evidence and arguments and rulings, but a lot of the time people find they can resolve their problems with a little help negotiating. When people going through family law issues are often going through lots of emotions that prevent them from communicating with each other very well. Letting their lawyers do the negotiation is often a good way to get a clearer idea of what's going on.

But you need to remember that there are different kinds of disputes. Sometimes, success in family law litigation means winning the argument. The issues might be so important, and the other party might be so wrong or irrational, that winning the lawsuit is what you need to do. Those are situations where you have to fight. In a lot of cases, however, success means resolving the argument. Those are the cases where the real problem may just be that you're having the dispute at all, and negotiating a settlement or a compromise is probably the best way to go. The tricky part for most people, and for most attorneys—we're just people, too!—is figuring out which kind of dispute they're dealing with. When you seek legal advice for a family law issue, you need to keep an open mind and be ready to discuss this problem with your attorney. Sometimes, demanding a fight will just end up making the problem worse, costing both sides a huge amount of money, and leave everyone feeling terrible.

Third, please be aware that I practice law in the San Joaquin Valley of California, and my office is in Fresno, so my expertise is rooted there. Some things are generally true about family law everywhere, but a lot of the nitty-gritty details are different from place to place. If you have a family law problem, you should seek local attorney, who is familiar with the way things work where you are.

Finally, nothing I write here is intended as legal advice, and you should not take it as legal advice. If you would like a consultation with me, please visit the website for my firm. From there you can contact my office and set an appointment. I look forward to hearing from you!