In the first two sentences of a recent opinion from the California Court of Appeal, Justice Gilbert offers a nugget of wisdom that everybody with a legal problem needs to remember:

Parties agree to act reasonably in their contractual relationship. This case demonstrates that when a party acts unreasonably, no one prospers, except the attorneys.

Don't give too much weight to that first sentence—you shouldn't be acting unreasonably even when you're not in a contractual relationship. I've put the important lesson in boldface: When somebody in a legal matter acts unreasonably, no one prospers except the attorneys.

In Peak-Las Positas Partners v. Bollag, a series of events, many of which were government procedures beyond the parties' control, delayed the finalization of a real property deal. The parties agreed to extend the escrow on the deal once, but the second time an extension became necessary, one of the parties flat refused—even though the other party had already spent about $5 million trying to get their project going and to comply with government requirements! This, said the court, was unreasonable (despite several rationalizations offered by the defendant). In affirming the order that defendant pay more than half a million dollars in attorneys' fees to the plaintiff, the court noted that the defendant had "interjected collateral issues to complicate the litigation" and that his "vigorous defense necessitated a great deal of work by experienced attorneys."

Work by attorneys, experienced or not, is usually expensive—especially when the case requires "a great deal" of it. The defendant in that case could have saved everybody a lot of money by being reasonable and agreeing to extend the escrow on the deal. But he didn't. And then he made a "vigorous defense" of his position and "interjected collateral issues to complicate the litigation."

This is why, when you seek an attorney, you need to think about more than just what you want. It's easy to get lost in your goals. You think, "That other person is so bad! I need to make him or her pay!" We see this a lot in family law, where the disputes can be especially bitter. People end up fighting over every little detail. Nobody wants to give an inch. Things get dragged out. All the dirty laundry is put on display. But this is expensive, and adopting a more reasonable attitude can save a truckload of money. (And keep you from annoying the court, too. Do you really think the judge wants to preside over a fight between people who are acting unreasonably? Judges are supposed to be impartial, but you don't want to take your chances by getting on the judge's bad side.)

Be aware, however, that some issues in family law really are so important that a hardline, no-settle position is justified. In those cases, fighting hard might be reasonable. But most cases can be resolved more easily than that. Before you decide to dig in your heels, you need to evaluate your position rationally when you talk to your attorney, who can help you see past the emotional issues that might be clouding your view.

And sometimes the other party can drag you down. You need to think about that before you get involved. If you are pretty sure that the other party is going to fight you every step of the way, then be ready to pay more attorney fees, or reconsider your goals. You should also talk to your attorney about the personal quirks of the other party. (This is usually possible in family law because the parties ordinarily know each other very well. It's less possible in civil litigation, where the parties would often be strangers if not for the problem that brought them into court.) Is there a way to approach the issue that will result in a more reasonable—and less costly—response?

Fighting things out in a lawsuit will always be expensive. Talk to your attorney about acting strategically, instead of just coming down from on high with a flaming sword of (what you think will be) justice. Remember that courts are set up to solve problems. When you use the court to get revenge, instead of to solve a problem, you will probably suffer as much as your opponent. While the battle rages, the attorneys will be working. Fees and costs will keep adding up. By the time you finally "win," you may not feel much like a winner. But your attorney wasn't working for free, and he or she will expect you to pay your bill.

So remember the short sentence from the case I quoted above: "When a party acts on reasonably, no one prospers, except the attorneys."

Finally, please remember that nothing I write here is intended as legal advice for you, so you should not take that way. Your situation is unique and you should speak to a local attorney if you have a legal issue. If you would like to speak to me, please visit the website for my firm. There you can contact my office and set up a consultation.