The Dallas Morning News today has an article by Pamela Yip, with some good tips from family law attorneys for people on either end of child and spousal support obligations when financial situations turn bad. (In the article, which comes from Texas, you will see the word "alimony." That's the same thing as "spousal support." Some jurisdictions talk about "alimony," other jurisdictions, like California, talk about "spousal support.")
If you're in a bad financial situation, and there's a child or spousal support obligation in the mix, you might want to read Yip's article. Here are some of the ideas for the person making the payments, from the attorneys Yip quotes, with a few observations of my own:
You should "be upfront" and honest with your spouse or the other parent when problems arise. That's good advice generally, especially when you have problems that may involve lawyers. Hiding the truth, lying, or playing games with the other party is only going to drive up the cost of the dispute.
You should "be prepared to cut your spending." That's especially true if you're dealing with child support. Courts deciding child support disputes have said again and again that every parent's first obligation is his or her child. If the court feels that you are spending too much money on yourself, to the detriment of your child, don't hold your breath for court-ordered relief.
Yip's article suggests that you should "offer alternatives," such as non-monetary support. In some cases, where the relationship between the parties is not friendly enough to handle anything more than sending checks, other alternatives may not be viable. But you might want to re-evaluate your position and think about working on that relationship. The marriage or dating relationship might be over, with no hope of revival, but if you're still tied to each other through a support obligation, holding old grudges and using the obligation to push the other person around will never be helpful.
From the other end, for the person receiving the payments, Yip and her attorneys have a few ideas, too:
When the person making the payments comes to you and explains a problem making payments, you should "trust, but verify" and "hear your ex-spouse out." Again, that's just good advice generally. Offering your trust can get you a long way in a dispute, but don't let anybody steamroll you with unfounded claims. Check things out, but be reasonable. Listen to what the other person is saying.
"Don't limit your thinking." Yip quotes a Dallas family law attorney, Janet Brumley: "You and your ex-spouse can do all kinds of things that judges cannot. You might agree to extend the term of alimony payments, thereby reducing the size of each monthly payment, in return for your spouse's agreement to trade automobiles with you." That's generally true, but if you decide to make a new agreement, make sure you talk to an attorney and ask for help in making that new agreement enforceable. Most support agreements include terms for how to modify them, and you will want to follow those. Otherwise, you might end up with a worse situation than you started with.
Make sure you "don't sacrifice too much." Again, even though times are tough, don't just roll over, or let the other party steamroll you into a worse position. If you're having trouble finding that fine line between trusting and fighting, you should probably talk to an attorney. Finding a way to walk that line is a big part of what we do every day, to help our clients through difficult, confusing situations.
The bottom line, for anybody in a bad situation where child or spousal support is part of the mix, is that you need to be ready to come to the table and talk about your circumstances with the other person. Disputes like these are often like those "Chinese finger traps" you might have seen, where the only ways to get out are either for both sides to come together a little and reach a mutually agreeable compromise, or simply to thrash around until you've torn the whole thing to shreds.
Finally:
Whether you're the person making the payments or the person receiving the payments, you should hire a lawyer to represent your interest. Don't be afraid to bring in other professionals, such as an accountant or a certified divorce financial analyst, to assist your case.
That's always a good thing to remember. And also remember that nothing I write here is intended as legal advice for you, and it should not be taken as legal advice for you. Your situation is unique and you should speak to a local attorney if you have a child or spousal support issue. If you would like to speak to me, please visit the website for my firm. There you can contact my office and set up a consultation.